By Juste Kiddin, Guest Nuisance
Editor
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| A happy iguana smiles after eating 357 hibiscus blossoms |
Some parts of the island are being overrun by the sons of
Godzilla. While tourists find them creepily attractive, local gardeners are not
quite so enthusiastic. Some see Iguanageddon. Search of the Web turned up many
helpful sites.
Little know facts from Wikipedia:
·
The word "iguana" is derived from a
Spanish form of the original Taino name for the species "Iwana” which
means lizard that everybody says tastes like chicken but doesn’t. (Taino
youngsters referred to it as “Ick-wana.”)
·
Research has shown that the attention a gardener
gives to a particular flower causes it to release powerful pheromones that are
irresistible to iguanas.
·
Iguanas are strong swimmers. Noah found this out
when he threw the couple of iguanas off the Ark.
The St. John Animal Center will provide strap-on handles
for tourists who want to take one home as a pet. www.stjohnanimalcenter.com/carryonluggage
Iguana fencing can be found at http://RevengeoftheTiano.com/turnyourhomeintoaprison
The two types of iguana repellents are contact repellents
and area repellents. Contact repellants
must be applied to the iguana’s entire body, preferably with a hammer. Area
repellants must be applied to your entire lot. Products guaranteed to work can
be found at
www.senddollars2nigeria.com/totalsuckers
Send your iguanas to summer camp. www.triptohell.com
100% organic, all natural, speed bumps for island roads: http://bestuses4iguanas.com
Iguana condoms: http://XXXlizards.com/scaleyjunk
Here’s an idea that is not new or original – long-lasting,
thorn-proof, lizard-skin shoes. They look very up-scale (so to speak) and
attention-getting (for the moment – until everybody is wearing them.) DIY (do-it-yourself)
home instructions may be found on www.fiftyshadesofgreen.com. A
few minor complaints: Some people report
difficulties in hollowing them out. People behind you in line at the Post
Office have trouble not stepping on the tails. Some wimps complain about
persistent, noxious odor especially after long hikes.
Sell your green herd on eBay. Charge $85 shipping. www.ebay.com/crapnobodywants
High priority should be given to finding the moron that
is feeding steroids to the iguanas on the western end of the island. http://lanzearmstrongs-vet.com
Great iguana recipes: www.epi.really.curious.com/yuk
