Tuesday 27 March 2012

Queen Elizabeth II Plans Diamond Jubilee Visit to St. John

By B. B. Brain, Society Editor

Her Majesty, HerSelf

During an official Diamond Jubilee visit to The British Virgin Islands, Queen Elizabeth is planning an unofficial visit to St. John. The demands of the four-month-long grand tour of the 16 countries that once made up the British Empire will leave the queen in search of a place to escape, revive and relax. The Diamond Jubilee Celebrations Committee announced that since she will be so close, the Queen and her retinue will sweep over to St. John after the massive Tortola parade on Sunday, April 1st.

Queen spokesman, Fred Mercury, said that while most energetic celebrations would raise the dead, Her Majesty just wanted a place to be quiet. In search of something between a plywood-galvanized shack and a faux Santa Barbara mansion, Mr. Mercury found Seashore, the lovely home of Niles and Susan Chair. The Chairs have always been extremely generous in opening their home to charity events and visiting VIPs. Mrs. Chair said she would be delighted for the Queen to kick off her low heels and drop her purse and wide-brimmed hat for several days. “I know we can make her comfortable. I was just born knowing how to deal with royalty. And I love pastels,” said Mrs. Chair. “We hope her troubles will be miles away while visiting.”

On Monday evening a casual, sit-down dinner for 80 will be hosted by Elsa Engel, island resident and direct descendant of Ludwig II of Bavaria. The setting will be Mrs. Engel’s modest home that is based on the design of Neuschwanstein Castle and will be catered by Rich Lyminn. Mr. Lyminn, a descendant of nobility himself, has produced an 89-page manual on how to be casual. A running commentary on the event will be broadcast by St. Thomas radio fossils, Lee Coral and Eddie Oddly.

From here the Queen will rejoin the worldwide celebrations of the Diamond Jubilee that will continue through spring and early summer, culminating in a lavish ceremony in London on the anniversary of the June 1953 coronation.

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