National Park Grants Concession for Trump Parking Tower

Compact Maserati being parked on 10th deck

By Feinda Spot, Parking Editor

If you have driven out to the North Shore beaches, you had to notice that more parking is sorely needed at Cinnamon Bay. Additionally, with Governor de Jongh’s support, Havensight will have West Indian Company’s huge new car rental with free car ferry passes ready for the cruise ship passengers by the beginning of hurricane season. This will be a major crisis for Park visitors or as government calls it, “an issue.”

The Donald to the rescue! Through his legal office of Tiff & Squabble, Donald Trump has announced plans for a high-rise parking garage. The Virgin Islands National Park immediately approved the concession for The Trump Organization.

It is to be built on the site of the present Cinnamon Bay parking lot. Park ranger, Frank Pestiferous, said, “The parking at Cinnamon is totally impossible. Tourists take all the best places.” Susan Chair said the project was too large a challenge for local contractors.

In a call to his office, Mr. Trump was asked how he proposed getting the high-rise building approved. He said, “A total of 14 levels – 2 underground – 12 above. “My architects will call it three stories. I’m advised that other developments on the island have used this strategy very successfully. We wanted it to be high enough that you could see the strings of lights from St. Thomas, but not so high as to interfere with the flight patterns for the new St. John airport.”

When asked about the design he said, “I plan the design to be a cross between Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City and a Virgin Islands carnival. My thoughts are that we can form the concrete to look like painted plywood on the exterior and interior. Each floor will have its own theme. We’ll string up lights and pennants and have bouncy houses on every level.”

Asked about the parking fees he replied, “If those yahoos at Wormwood can charge $20 for parking at Caneel, I certainly can get $50 for parking in a gorgeous facility emblazoned with the Trump brand.  It will be such an experience; some will stay in my garage and never go to the beach.”

Mr. Trump said that he didn’t intend to visit the construction site. “When I came down, my fabulous, expensively-coiffed, all-natural hair met the trade winds... it is not to be repeated!”