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| Reef Bay array |
Virtually all south-facing slopes on the
island will be covered with state-of-the-art photovoltaic panels.
Island Greed Builders (not to be confused
with a somewhat similarly named organization) has obtained $16 billion through
grants from Obama’s Money for Nothing Initiative, The Trust for Pubic Land, and
WAPA’s Excess Money Fund.
The initial grant of $297 million was
depleted within two months by developing feasibility studies, setting up a
Facebook profile and a Twitter account.
The panels will come from Solyndra, the
Fremont, California solar panel producer. They were obtained at a huge discount
because of a 97%-failure rate. “This completely fits our business model,” said
Niles Chair, local businessman. Mr. Chair and 6 friends have set up a
subcontracting firm, Death Panels, Inc.
St. Thomas consultant, Tully Pleasure, of
Island Possibilities, LLC, recommended the installation of automatic awnings of
Sumbrella that will deploy in the middle of the day to protect the panels from
the intense tropical sun.
Renowned architect and all-around expert,
Bill Builtinthegarage, said, “The greatest innovation is the solar compactor.
You may have seen the original prototype on the dock in Cruz Bay. They will
compact the solar power to facilitate the transfer of power to St. Thomas.
Actually, the compacted power packages could be shipped anywhere with U.S. Post
Office Priority Mail. Another advantage of the solar compactor is that it can
be used to dispose of other solar compactors that break down from heat
exhaustion!”
“We would be off the St. Thomas grid, but
would be able to sell power to them during the off season when neither we nor
they really need it,” said Green Spear, respected island builder and day dream
believer.
Chuck Fishmo of the St. John Hysterical
Society said, “There is a precedent. Sugar cane once covered most of the island
and the cane captured sunlight much like the solar panels will. So, IGB has our
complete support.”
Heard
in the Street:
The roofs of the proposed Bullet Train
stations will be covered with panels. Both the Coral Bay and Cruz Bay stations
will be modeled after New York’s Grand Central and therefore will have ample
space for solar panel installation.
We're not going to let our column be
dictated by fact-checkers.
