By Herda Katz, Guest Nuisance
Editor
 |
| Attila needs ONE more lesson |
Peter Jordan has set June 15th as the date for his 12th Annual
Cat Training extravaganza.
Stated goals to be accomplished for the beginning class
are:
·
The cat will repeatedly retrieve a rolled and
rubber-banded newspaper thrown 15 feet.
·
Cat will sit, lie down and roll over on command.
·
Cat will come when commanded, wag tail and act
as if you were in fact important in his/her life.
·
Kitty will complete the 100-yard swim (at Trunk
Bay.)
·
And finally, the cat will master the requisite
Roomba ride.
Mr. Jordan’s wildly successful cat obedience classes always
fill as soon as he announces them. When asked the secret to his success, Mr. J
said, “It’s all very simple, early on you have to establish who’s boss!”
Mr. J also wants you to know he offers accreditation for
your cat as a Certified Service Cat®
through Cats and the Sea (CATS.)
Certified Service Cat® – It’s the law: “Disabled people with service animals must be
allowed access to all public accommodations. This right takes precedence over
all state and local laws which might otherwise prohibit animals in those
places.” The most difficult problem will
be training to walk on a retractable leash and wear an orange “Service Cat”
vest. Of course the benefits of having your cat sit in the middle seat in
tourist on an American 757 flight will make all the long, harsh training
worthwhile.
Frank Pestiferous, competent park ranger, said, “Without
Mr. Jordan’s class, my cat, Attila, woulda spent his whole life starin’ out the
window, catchin’ them stink bugs and meowing his head off for Iguana Flavored
Cat Chow.”
Noted local cat authority, Jo Wan Krill, declared, “After
only a few classes, our former bush cat has the manners of one of the Royal
Mews of Queen Elizabeth. Though I have no doubt that she would exude total
disdain for corgis.”
Beginning class registration is only $7.25 since the
undertaking is underwritten by the St. John Animal Center with grants from YouTube,
Hallmark Cards and island winter resident, Elsa Engel, heiress to the Winnebago
fortune.
Heard in the Street
In the works: a cat park!
It's natural for a cat to want to socialize and play with other cats. Soon
owners will have a chance to let their cats play off the leash – under only
voice command.
